Nanglaktod

Teacher: Nganong late man ka, Juan?
Juan: Nanglaktod man gud ko, Ma'am.
Teacher: Nanglaktod unya nadugay na hinuon?
Juan: Aw, kanang, naa man guyd bayabas sa lakturanan, Ma'am!

Kapag Kumidlat

Biglang kumidlat, ano ang gagawin mo?

Matakutin na Genius: "Takip tenga, kukulog eh!"
Mapagsamantalang Boyfriend: "Yakap sa nobya!"
Astig: "Wala lang, matapang eh!"
Pasaway: "Hahawak ako sa bakal, try ko kung tatamaan ako."
Bobo: "Ngingiti, picture eh!"

Characteristics of a Good Employee

Characteristics of a good employee:

Time-conscious - Oras ray gibantayan
Workaholic - Dili makatrabaho kung dili makainom
Service-oriented - Dili kalakaw kung walay service
Hardworking - Lisod patrabahuon

And lastly...

Keeps an eye for details - Himantayon!

Magpaliwanag

Kung 'di mo kayang magpaliwanag, bakit 'di mo subukang... magpadilim?!

When You Stumble

Sa pagkakaibigan, dapat nagtutulungan.
Kapag nadapa ka, tutulungan kita.
Kapag nadapa ka ulit, itatayo kita.
At kapag nadapa ka na naman, sisipain na talaga kita!
Pambihira! Pilay ka ba?!

Unnoticed Kindness

Do you know why I like silence so much? Because when it's quiet and I'm alone, that's the moment I realize... "Mabait naman pala ako, wala lang nakakahalata."

Pang-Exam

Juan: Ibang klase pala yung ngipin mo, parang pang-exam.
Pedro: Bakit naman?
Juan: One seat apart!
Pedro: Pang-exam din naman yung ngipin mo, pare.
Juan: Bakit?
Pedro: Fill in the blanks!

Gihampak og Hangin

Albularyo: Misis, wala kaha ni gihampak og dautang hangin ning imong anak?
Misis: Ambot lang kay sukad-sukad, wala man ko nakakita'g hangin nga gabitbit og bunal!

Questions Without Answers

Note: You might have seen these on the shirts of Barkada Trip's Bok on Studio 23.

1. Does Jennifer Love Hewitt?
2. Where did Vincent Van Gogh? Did Rolito Go with him?
3. Why is Norman Black? Why is Redford White?
4. Where did Sandara Park?
5. Is Chow Yun Fat?
6. What did Henry Sy?
7. Is Charlie Brown? And is Lucio Tan?
8. When will Orlando Bloom?
9. Who did Sharon Stone?
10. How did the Cardinal Sin?
11. If Tyra Banks, are you sure Wilma Doesnt?

Magsasaka at Kalabaw

Sabi nila, kung magkatabi tayo,
Para daw akong isang magsasaka.
Nagalit ako, tanong ko, "Bakit naman?"
Kaya pala, dahil mukha ka raw kalabaw!

Taning

JUAN: Bai, naa na taning akong kinabuhi. Taman na lang ko karong kadlawon. Teksanay ta tibuok gabii.
PEDRO: Pagpuyo! Sayo pa ko momata ugma. Maayo man ka kay dili na!

Pampatapang

BATA: Takot ako magpabunot ng ngipin, Doc.
DENTISTA: Wag kang mag-alala, bibigyan kita ng gamot pampatapang.
(Ininom ng bata ang gamot.)
DENTISTA: O, matapang ka na?
BATA: Kung sino man ang magtatangkag bunutin ang ngipin ko, susuntukin ko!

3 Stages of Life

TEEN: You have all the time and energy but no money.
WORKING: You have all the money and energy but no time.
RETIRED: You have all the time and money but no more energy.

The Teacher and the Student

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking even when people are no longer listening?
Student: A teacher.
Teacher: Ha ha ha. Get one whole sheet of paper! Long quiz!

Busog Na

Anak: Busog na ko, Ma.
Mama: Unsa man ka? Hutda na! Wa ka kahibalo nga daghan ang gigutom sa kalibutan?!
Anak: Unya, kung hutdon ni nako, mabusog sila?!

Ang Kapatid ni Juan

Juan: Nag-aalala ako sa kapatid ko.
Pedro: Bakit?
Juan: Lagi niya kasi kinakausap ang sarili niya dati. Pero hindi na ngayon.
Pedro: Eh di magaling na siya! Bakit di na niya kinakausap ang sarili niya?
Juan: Magkagalit daw sila!

Colored

A black child's poem

When i born, i black
When i grow, i black
When i sick, i black
When i cold, i black
When i mad, i black
When i afraid, i black
When i die, i black

Now you American fellas..
When you born, you pink
When you grow, you white
When you sick, you green
When you cold, you blue
When you mad, you red
When you afraid, you yellow
When you die, you gray

"Now, you call me colored?"

Period

The teacher asked "How important is a period?"
The child replied, "It is very important. When my sister missed her period, my dad cried, my mom fainted and our driver disappeared."

To See is to Believe

A philosophy teacher challenges a student of his faith in God...

Teacher: To see is to believe. Have you seen God?
Student: No sir, I haven't.
Teacher: Then there is no God!
Student: Sir, may I ask you something? Have you seen your brain?
Teacher: No.
Student (to whole class): My dear classmates, umuwi na lang tayo. Wala palang utak si Sir! [Let's just go home. Our teacher has no brain.]

Wag Salubungin

"Wag lang po nating salubungin ang mga bumababa, di po natin sila kamag-anak." - Konduktor ng MRT