Sunday, December 03, 2006

Rules of Life

Assume nothing.
Expect little.
Do more.
Need less.
Smile often.
Sleep long.
Dream big.
Laugh alot.
Pray always.
and once in a while...
cry, but continue living.

A Cup of Coffee

Life is like having a cup of coffee. You sit by the window, lift the cup and take a sip. Only to realize that somebody forgot to put sugar. Too lazy to go for it you somehow struggle to finish the better drink. Afterwards, you discover undissolved sugar crystals sitting at the bottom. That's how life is, we sometimes forget to make the effort to value what is around us. Look around, maybe the sweetness you are looking for is closer than you think. Have your coffee and make it sweet.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Ang Kapatid ni Juan

Juan: Nag-aalala ako sa kapatid ko.
Pedro: Bakit?
Juan: Lagi niya kasi kinakausap ang sarili niya dati. Pero hindi na ngayon.
Pedro: Eh di magaling na siya! Bakit di na niya kinakausap ang sarili niya?
Juan: Magkagalit daw sila!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Have Faith

Don't be afraid to lose or fail,
No ocean is crossed until you sail;
No victory is won without a fight,
No birds migrate without a flight.

Have faith 'cause God is with you all the way.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

5 Fingers of Prayer

1. Your thumb is nearer to you, so pray for those who are closest to you.
2. Pointing finger: Pray for those who teach, instruct and heal.
3. Tallest finger: Pray for our leaders, they need God's guidance.
4. Ring finger: Weakest finger - so pray for those who are weak, troubled, or in pain.
5. Little finger: The smallest - to remind you to pray for yourself.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Colored

A black child's poem

When i born, i black
When i grow, i black
When i sick, i black
When i cold, i black
When i mad, i black
When i afraid, i black
When i die, i black

Now you American fellas..
When you born, you pink
When you grow, you white
When you sick, you green
When you cold, you blue
When you mad, you red
When you afraid, you yellow
When you die, you gray

"Now, you call me colored?"

Period

The teacher asked "How important is a period?"
The child replied, "It is very important. When my sister missed her period, my dad cried, my mom fainted and our driver disappeared."

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

When We Share

When we share laughter, it's twice the fun.
When we share problems, it eases half the pain.
When we share tears, a rainbow follows the rain.
When we share secrets, it's our hearts we reveal...

What draws us closer and makes us all care is not what we have but the things we share.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

To See is to Believe

A philosophy teacher challenges a student of his faith in God...

Teacher: To see is to believe. Have you seen God?
Student: No sir, I haven't.
Teacher: Then there is no God!
Student: Sir, may I ask you something? Have you seen your brain?
Teacher: No.
Student (to whole class): My dear classmates, umuwi na lang tayo. Wala palang utak si Sir! [Let's just go home. Our teacher has no brain.]

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Wag Salubungin

"Wag lang po nating salubungin ang mga bumababa, di po natin sila kamag-anak." - Konduktor ng MRT

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Panuhot/Utot

Pari: Midako lagi imong tiyan, Sister!
Madre: Panuhot ni, padre!

(After 9 months nagkita silag balik. Si sister naay dala nga baby.)

Pari: Wow! Ka-cute sa imong UTOT, Sister!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

The Husband's Compliment

A wife stands in front of the mirror and tells husband, "I'm ugly, my boobs are sagging, and my ass is too fat. Give me a compliment." To which the husband replied, "You are a very keen observant."

Kaang

Juan: Bay, kagabii nang-harana ko sa akong gipangulitawhan. Sweet kaayo siya, iya kong giitsahag bulak.
Pedro: Mao ba? Nindota gud, pero nganong nasamad man ka?
Juan: Giapil man niyag labay ang kaang!

Friday, October 06, 2006

A Caterpillar

Consider yourself a caterpillar. The ones who love you are the nourishing leaves. The ones who hurt you are the cocoon. Remember that you won't be a butterfly without nourishment and you won't develop wings without the cocoon. There are no heroes nor villains in life... Just people with different roles to teach you one great lesson - and that is to FLY.

Measures of Love

One of the greatest measures of love is its ability to let the other person grow with freedom and not with fear. Love should be able to give us enough space to be ourselves and explore our world yet still be within reach of caring and protective arms. Love should be happy when others succeed and make good in their ways. Love should be concerned not only with its own needs but that of others as well. When we learn to love without comparing and counting, then we have learned to love the way we should.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

No Space

The dermatologist said, "I have good news for you!"
"Really?", the girl replied. "What is it?"
"You won't grow any more pimples. Because there's no more space."

Wisdom and Life

"You are wise if you know the limits of your wisdom. You are alive if the hopes of tomorrow mean more to you than yesterday's mistakes."

Monday, September 25, 2006

Your Brain

Upon thorough analysis and study, we found out that your brain has two sides: Left and Right.
On the left side of your brain, there's nothing right.
While on the right side, there's nothing left!

Big Trouble

A 3 year-old boy praying:

"Dear God, bless my mommy, bless my daddy, bless my friends and bless me. And take care of yourself because if anything happens to you... we're in BIIIG TROUBLE!"

Countless Blessings

In a science class...

The teacher asked her students to give an example of things which are countless.

One student answered, "WATER."

Another one answered, "SAND."

Then another answered, "AIR."

The teacher noticed that everybody is participating except for one. She called that student's attention and asked, "What are things which are countless?"

The student stood up and answered...

"BLESSINGS."

Friday, September 08, 2006

Serenity

Serenity...
To walk when others are running;
To whisper when others are shouting;
To sleep when others are restless;
To smile when others are angry;
To pause when others are hurrying;
To pray when others are doubting;
To think when others are confused;
To face turmoil yet feel composure;
To know inner calm inspite of everything;
To sleep in the middle of a storm.

This is the test of serenity.
This is Christ's Life!

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Quotes to Live By

"A day without laughter is a wasted day."
- Charlie Chaplin

"A true friend stabs you in the front."
- Oscar Wilde

"Never explain; your friends don't need it,
and your enemies won't believe you anyway."
- Elbert Hubbard

"If you're not curious,
it's a sign that you're stupid."
- Dr. Frank Crane

"It's better to be hated for what you are,
than be loved for what you're not."
- Andre Gide

"It's never too late to be what might have been."
- G. Elliot

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Koko Krunch Trivia

Question: Sinong pumatay kay Koko Krunch?
Answer: Isang CEREAL killer.

5 Ways to Annoy Your Professor

5. Be oftentimes absent.
4. Don't do your homework.
3. Sleep in the class.
2. Make the whole class laugh while the professor is talking.
1. Perfect his exam.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Thanksgiver

A thankful life is a response
To seeing everything
As a gift from God
And realizing that your life
Belongs to Him.

God is the Giver,
So be a thanksgiver.

Dude

NANAY: Hala! Sige, layas! Huwag ka nang bumalik dito sa bahay! Simula ngayon, huwag mo na akong tawagin na nanay at hindi na rin kita tatawaging anak, naiintindihan mo?
ANAK: Sige, dude, aalis na ako.

Friday, April 07, 2006

P's and ABC

Tell GOD all your P's!
Problems,
Pressures, and
Plans.

And He will give you His ABC!
Answers to prayers,
Best favors, and
Courage to go on.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Snakes and Poison

Ahas 1: Makamandag ba tayo?
Ahas 2: Ewan, bakit?
Ahas 1: Immune ba tayo sa kamandag natin?
Ahas 2: Di ko alam, bakit ba?
Ahas 1: Nakagat ko dila ko eh, kinakabahan ako...

Monday, March 27, 2006

To Remind Us

God created TURTLES to remind us to slow down,
ANTS to remind us about little things;
The SKY to remind us to look up and pray,
FRIENDS to remind us how beautiful life can be.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Bounce Back Higher

Falling down does not make a person a failure.
But staying down does...
So always remember that no one is perfect,
And when you fall so hard,
Just bounce back higher.

Funny Chinese Names

  1. Born secretly: TINA CO
  2. Born swindled: LINO CO
  3. Born without light: ANDY LIM
  4. Born fat: BOB UY
  5. Born different: EVA YAN
  6. Born blind: FE YONG FE YON

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Of Birds and Carabaos

Little birdie in the sky
Dropped a poo-poo in my eye.
I didn't scream, I didn't cry
I just thanked God that carabaos don't fly...

Thursday, March 09, 2006

What is X?

X is impossible for God.
X is above God.
X is more imporant than love.
The rich needs X, the poor has X.
If we eat X, we die.
What is X? It is a seven-letter word.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Sailing thru Life

You can't discover new oceans
Unless you have the courage
To lose sight of the shore.
Because only those who risk
Can tell how far they can go!

Enjoy your life's journey,
Sail on!

Making Choices

When you make choices,
Follow God, not your own way.
For if your own way fails, you regret.
But with God, you can smile and say
"HE KNOWS BEST!"

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

God's Gifts

GOD has gifts for you:
A LIGHT for every shadow
A PLAN for every tomorrow
A KEY for every problem
And JOY for every sorrow.
Enjoy God's gifts today!

Monday, February 27, 2006

3 Ways...

God answers prayers in three ways.
He says yes and gives you what you want.
He says no and gives you something better.
And He says wait and gives you the best in His own time.

Past Nato

Kahinumdum paka?
Kadtong gagmay pa ta?
Di ba niburot akong sip-on?
Naulaw kaayo ko nimo adto,
tungod kay...
...imong GITAKLAAN!

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Call on Jesus

Sometimes you have to fight for something,
to make everything alright.
You gave your best and you gave it your all.
Yet, you still lose.

But whenever you call on Jesus,
He will take the fight,
And win it all for you.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Karapatan ng Bata

Bawat kabataan may karapatan! Karapatang gumala, umuwi anytime, maghanap at magkaroon ng bf/gf! Magalit man parents mo, eto lang isagot mo: "Naghimo raman mi og project!"

Subtraction and Remainder

Pedro: Absent ako kahapon kasi nakunan ang nanay ko at ako lang ang naiwan.
Teacher: Speak in English because this is an English class.
Pedro: I was absent because my mother was subtracted and I'm the remainder.

Curtain for Windows

Tindero: Sir, bili na kayo ng kurtina.
Juan: Sige, bibili ako para sa computer ko.
Tindero: Bakit po sa computer?
Juan: Haler! May WINDOWS din kaya yon! My gosh! So slow...

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Sabaka ko!

Pasahero: Nong, sakay mi! Moagi nig SM?
Driver: Oo, sakay na!
Pasahero: Nong, naay bayad ang bata?
Driver: Ay, wala man.
Pasahero: Ah, kung sabakon naay bayad?
Driver: Wala gihapon.
Pasahero: Sige, anak. Sabaka ko!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Kahinumdum Ka Ini?

-yez, way klase!
-nagstudy ka?
-pa-txt bi
-pa-share ha
-pa-kopyaha ko ha?
-naay assignment?

at syempre, kinsa makalimot ini..
"get 1/4...
...1/4 maam?"

First...

Russian: We are first in space.
USA: We are first in the moon.
PHIL: We will be first in the sun.
USA: You can't go there, you'll burn!
PHIL: Oh c'mon we are not stupid! We'll go there at night. c',)

I Am 9 Letters Long...

I am 9 letters long. My 123 is used in writing. My 345 means a profit. My 6789 is a fixed ratio or price of something and my 789 is the past tense of the word eat. What am I?

Do Not Take Life Seriously

Think about this: "Do not take life seriously. After all, no one has come out of it alive." - from a philosopher named Bugs Bunny.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Who Stabbed You?

Lawyer: Who stabbed you?
Client: Mahimo binisay-on imo pangutana, Sir?
Judge: Interpreter, translate the question.
Interpreter: Kinsa kuno si Tabyo?

Friday, February 10, 2006

Benefits of Kissing

Some benefits of kissing:

  • Changes taste
  • Burns calories
  • Lips never go dry
  • Relieves stress
  • Makes face muscles stong
So keep kissing...
It's healthy!

Sunday, February 05, 2006

The Vampire Dream

One night I dreamt I was a vampire,
And I was supposed to bite you.
But I can't.
Instead, I faced the sun,
And let myself die.

I did it for a simple thing,
Your neck was dirty.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

A Thousand and One Miles

You know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you.
But if you are a thousand and one miles away, that's too much...

I'd already run the extra mile!